翻译：hardstick 校订：hardstick 时间轴：hardstick
- [Chelsea] It was on my way to college. - [切尔西]那是在我去上大学的路上。
My dad told me the whole story. 我爸爸告诉了我，他的整个故事。
He took the 4 1/2 hour drive to tell me, "I was a KGB spy. 他带我开了四个半小时的车，就是要告诉我,“我是克格勃间谍。”
"I was sent here to get closer to some important people in politics “我被派到这里，是为了接近一些政届重要人物，
"and steal some information." “并窃取一些情报。”
He told me, "I have another family in Germany 他告诉我，“我在德国还有另一个家庭，
"and I was supposed to go back, but I stayed here for you." “我本应该回去的，但我为了你，我留在了这里。”
My whole life was not what I thought it was. 我的全部生活，并不是我想象的那样。
My dad is a criminal,that is a fact, 我爸是个罪犯，这是事实，
and my dad has hurt a lot of people, that's another fact. 还有，我爸爸伤害过很多人，这是另一个事实。
Finding out my dad was a spy turned my life upside down. 发现我爸是间谍，让我的生活天翻地覆。 （切尔西.迪特里希，前克格勃间谍的女儿）
I've struggled with relationships 我一直在亲情关系中挣扎，
and it's made me doubt my whole upbringing and who I really am as a person. 这让我怀疑，我的整个成长过程，和我作为一个人的真实身份。
I still have so many questions and I really wonder 我仍然有很多问题，我真的很想知道
are there other children of spies out there who feel like I do. 是否还有其他间谍的孩子，和我有同样的感觉。
- [News Anchor] The two sons of the accused spy couple -[新闻主播]被指控的间谍夫妇的两个儿子，
in Cambridge, Massachusetts in the custody of US Marshals. 在马萨诸塞州的剑桥镇，被美国司法警察监护。
- [Journalist] Two of the spies live here with their two young daughters. -[记者]其中两名间谍，和他们的两个小女儿住在这里。 （片名：养育我的间谍）
- [Woman] Just seemed like a nice quiet family. -[女人]看起来就像一个和睦安静的家庭。
- I would have been discombobulated if I found my parents were spies. -如果我发现，我的父母是间谍，我会不知所措的。
- [Chelsea] People think that spies are like James Bond and it is absolutely nothing like that. -[切尔西]人们认为间谍就像詹姆斯·邦德，但事实并非如此。
- [News Anchor] The day was one of mourning for this teenage boy whose parents were sent -[新闻主播]这一天是是这名十几岁男孩难过的一天，昨晚，他的父母
to Russia last night as he was left behind. 被遣返俄罗斯，他却被留在了这里。
- There are children of spies out there —那里有间谍的孩子们,
and they've really gone through some traumatic things. 他们真的经历了一些精神创伤的事情。
I know this because my dad was a KGB spy. 我知道这些，是因为，我爸爸是克格勃间谍。
My dad is from East Germany or former East Germany 我父亲来自东德，或者说，前东德，
and he was recruited by Russian intelligence. 他被俄罗斯情报部门招募。
His real name was Albrecht Dittrich. 他的真名是阿尔布莱希特·迪特里希。
He came to America in his 30s under the name Jack Barsky. 他在30多岁时，以“杰克·巴斯基”的名义来到美国。
The Russians had stolen the identity of a deceased American child 俄罗斯人盗用了一个死去的美国孩子的身份，
and gave the identity to my dad. 并把身份给了我父亲。
He worked at MetLife as an executive 他在“大都会人寿”担任高管，
and he stole American information technology for the KGB. 他为克格勃窃取了美国的信息技术。
My dad met my mother who is an immigrant from Guyana. 我父亲遇到了我母亲，她是来自圭亚那的移民。
They got married and raised my younger brother Jessie and I in a Pennsylvania suburb. 他们结婚了，在宾夕法尼亚州的郊区，抚养我和我的弟弟杰西。
突发新闻：前俄国间谍被“不知名物质”下毒。
When I see in the current news about spies,I'm not really surprised. 当我看到有关间谍的新闻时，我并不感到惊讶。
There are spies everywhere. 间谍无所不在。
But you don't really hear the stories of the loved ones of spies. 但你并没有真正听到，那些被爱的间谍们的故事。
The fact that my father was a spy tore my family apart 事实上,我父亲是一个间谍,把我的家庭分裂了,
and it completely changed my worldview and everything I knew about my life. 它完全改变了我的世界观,以及我所知道的一切。
It was always really hard for me to figure out who I really am because I didn't have all 我总是很难弄清楚我到底是谁，因为我不知道
of the information that I wanted about my dad and his past. 我想要的关于我父亲和他的过去的所有信息。
I have always wondered if there were other people out there like me. 我一直在想，有什么人像我一样。
As a child, I always felt like there was something missing 当我还是个孩子的时候，我总觉得缺少了什么，
and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. 我说不出那是什么。
I noticed some weird things growing up,things that I questioned. 在成长过程中，我注意到一些奇怪的事情，我质疑过这些事情。
We had a house next door when we lived in Pennsylvania. 我们住在宾夕法尼亚州的时候,隔壁有一所房子。
I never saw anyone come in or out of the house. 我从来没有看到有人进出房子。
The blinds were always shut. 百叶窗总是关着的。
The grass was always perfectly cut. 草坪总是修剪得很整齐。
There was a clothesline out there as well 那里也有一条晒衣绳，
and I never saw any clothes on the clothesline. 但我从来没有看到，晒衣绳上有任何衣服。
I just had a funny feeling about that house, 我只是对那房子有一种奇怪的感觉，
a feeling that I was being watched. 一种我“被监视”的感觉。
It wasn't until many years later that I found out 直到很多年以后，我才发现
that the FBI had bought that little blue house next door. 联邦调查局买下了隔壁那座蓝色的小房子。
切尔西的父亲，杰克.巴斯基，被联邦调查局所监视。
作为帮助美国情报机构，打击俄罗斯间谍活动的“交换”，他获得了豁免权。
这个秘密，他始终对切尔西守口如瓶。
宾夕法尼亚州 蒙特贝瑟尔
It's been years since I've been back to my childhood home 我已经好几年，没有回到我童年时
in Pennsylvania where the FBI caught up with my dad. 在宾夕法尼亚州的家了，联邦调查局在那里，逮捕了我父亲。
My old house. 我家老房子。
There's the house that the FBI bought. 这是联邦调查局买下的房子。
Joe Reilly is the FBI agent that caught my dad. 乔·赖利是抓捕我爸爸的联邦调查局特工。
And it just so turns out he's now one of my dad's good friends. 结果，他现在成了我爸的好朋友。
- [Joe] Hi, Chelsea,how are you? -[乔]嗨，切尔西，你好吗？
- How are you? -你好吗？ (FBI退休探员)
It's been a while. - [Joe] It's been a few years. 好久不见了。 - [乔]已经好几年了。
- As long as I've known Joe, I've never sat down -自从我认识乔,我从没有和他坐下来
with him one on one to talk to him about the investigation on my dad. 跟他面对面地谈谈，关于我爸爸的调查。
- When you lived here,I remember the first time I saw you. 你住在这里的时候，我还记得第一次见到你的情景。
You were this high and your dad was teaching you to play basketball in the, 你当时才这么高，你爸爸教你打篮球，
- [Chelsea] Yeah. -in the driveway. -[切尔西] 是的。 -[乔]在行车道上。
And it was amazing how much I could learn just by watching you. 看着你们这样，我感悟颇多。
I really could see that your dad loved you and he was very attentive. 我真的能看出，你爸爸很爱你，他很关心你。
- [Chelsea] How did you guys find out about my dad? -[切尔西] 你们怎么知道，我爸爸的事的?
- We found out through a defector source, - 我们是从一个叛逃者那里得知的，
a man who worked for the KGB in Moscow. 一个在莫斯科为克格勃工作的人。
We didn't know about him at all until we got information,fragments of information from the defector. 我们完全不知道他的存在，直到我们从叛逃者那里得到一些信息。
We didn't know where he was in the country,but we narrowed it down to here. 我们不知道他在国内的哪个地方，但我们把范围缩小到了这里。
And when we realized we found the right guy, 当我们意识到我们找对了目标，
then it intensified and we started surveillance. 后来就紧张起来，我们开始实施监视。
[tense music] [紧张的音乐]
We would surveil from the windows there. 我们从那里的窗户监视。
- You guys bought the house? - 你们的人买下了那所房子？
- Yeah. -是的。
We used the house probably well over a year. 这所房子，我们用了一年之久。
Your dad used to come out and jog down the road. 你爸爸过去常常出来在路上慢跑。
We would surveil. 我们都会监视。
I could sit up in that area because that was wide open. 我可以在那个区域坐下来,因为那里视野是很开阔的。
- [Chelsea] Yeah. -[切尔西] 是的。
- [Joe] I was pretending to be a birdwatcher - [乔] 我假装是一个观鸟者，
and I had books on ornithology and I had a telescope 我有鸟类学的书，我有一个望远镜，
and I just sat there when I knew you guys would be outside. 当我知道你们会在外面的时候，我就坐在那里。
- When I found out that the FBI was living next door to our house in Pennsylvania, -当我发现联邦调查局就住在我们宾夕法尼亚的房子隔壁时，
I was completely blown away by that 'cause we never noticed it. 我彻底傻眼了,因为我们从来没有注意到它。
I couldn't believe that they went to such great lengths to keep eyes on my dad. 我简直不敢相信，他们花了这么大的力气，来盯着我爸爸。
- You were away one weekend, your whole family. -有个周末，你全家都出去了。
We had our tactical team go in and they put microphones in the kitchen 我们让行动小组进去，在厨房和家庭活动室
and in the family room so we could hear your dad's conversations. 放置了麦克风，这样我们就能听到你爸爸的谈话。
- What were you looking for, like an admission? -你们要找什么，他的罪证吗?
- Yes. -是的。
And we got that about, oh,just a few weeks after we put the microphones in. 就在我们把麦克风放进去的几周后,我们就得到了。
Your dad and your mother had a conversation in the kitchen about his origin. 你爸爸和你妈妈在厨房里，谈论他的出身。
Your mother was expressing her disappointment in not knowing who he really was. 你妈妈对于她不知道，他到底是什么人，表示了失望。
- And that's when he told her the truth? -那是他告诉她真相的时候?
- Yeah, he told her everything. -是的，他和盘托出了。
- He really didn't think he was gonna get caught out here. -他真没想到，会在这里被抓？
- No, he didn't. -是的，他没想到。
He had been here so long. 他在这里潜伏了这么久。
In fact, when we arrested him,one of the first things he said to us was, 事实上，当我们逮捕他时，他对我们说的第一件事就是，
"What took you so long?" “你们怎么花了这么长时间才来？”
[laughing] [笑声] 联邦调查局在1997年，逮捕了杰克.巴斯基。
他们向他提供了一项协议，让他协助联邦调查局 进行反间谍活动，以避免入狱。
Our goal was to recruit him,not to put him in prison, 我们的目标是招募他，而不是把他关进监狱，
but to get him to work with us. 但要让他跟我们合作。
- It's really fascinating to listen to the details of the investigation of my dad, -聆听对我父亲调查的细节真的很有趣，
but there's an emotional side of this that has never really been discussed in my family. 但我的家人，从来没有真正从情感方面，来谈论这件事。
And I want to know if there's others out there like me. 我想知道，是否还有其他人和我一样。
[knocking] [敲门声]
Dad. 爸爸。
- Oh boy, it's been a while huh? -哦，孩子，有段时间没见面了？
- Like two years? -好像两年了？ （杰克.巴斯基，切尔西的父亲，前克格勃间谍）
We've been living on different parts of the country 我们一直住在这个国家的不同地方， （杰克.巴斯基，切尔西的父亲，前克格勃间谍）
and haven't had time to physically get together. 没有时间聚在一起。
So, I'm really looking forward to sitting down with him 所以，我真的很期待和他坐下来
and talking about the past and I have some questions for him too. 谈谈过去，我也有一些问题要问他。
- It's been too long, but you know, you're over there, -时间太长了，但你知道，你在那里，
I'm over there, then you moved there, and I moved here, 我在那里，然后你搬到那里，我搬到这里，
and you got that adventurous gene. 说明你继承了冒险的基因。
You don't mind leaving. 你不介意离开我。
A lot of people have a problem leaving. 很多人困扰与分离。
I never had it. 我从来没有。
I can pick up and go tomorrow someplace. 我可以随时收拾东西，明天就离开。
- If given an opportunity to move to a new country, -如果有机会搬到一个新的国家，
and I'm told, okay, you have to leave everything 而且我被告知，好吧，你必须斩断
and everyone behind,you can never see them or talk to them again, I would do it. 一切和所有人的联系，你永远不能再见到他们或与他们交谈，我也会这样做的。
And I wouldn't feel bad about it. 我也不会为此感到难过的。
And that kinda scares me a little bit. 这让我有点害怕。
- Because your attachments -因为你的依恋不够强烈，
aren't strong enough to keep you someplace. 不能把你留在某个地方。
And I had the same thing going. 我也有过同样的经历。
I had some attachments, 我有过一些牵挂，
but in the end, the adventure was more important. 但最后,冒险欲占了上风。
You know, I couldn't resist. 你知道,我无法抗拒。
- So is that why you became a spy? - 所以，这就是你为什么成为了一名间谍？
- The KGB was the most powerful single organization on the planet and they wanted me. — 克格勃是这个星球上最强大的唯一组织,他们想要招募我。
Boy, that flatters you doesn't it, right? 小子，换你能不受宠若惊吗？
It was powerful enough to make me say goodbye 它的力量足以让我告别
to everything and everybody I knew, my entire past. 我认识的每件事和每一个人，斩断我的整个过去。
I'm sure you could do the same thing. 我相信你也会这么做的。
I think it might be genetic. 我想，这就是遗传基因。
- I'm 30 years old now and I don't feel capable of having kids -我现在30岁了，我觉得自己没有能力抚育孩子，
because I know with my ability to disconnect emotionally 因为我知道，我居然能在情感上断绝联系，
even though I feel like I have a lot of love to give and I feel like I would be nurturing, 尽管，我觉得我有很多爱，可以给予，我觉得我可以培养，
it's not gonna be easy for me to overcome that with my own family. 对我来说，和我自家亲人一起克服这一点，并不容易。
And I feel so terrified that I would repeat that. 我很害怕，我要重复这些情况。
- It's one of the things. -这是其中之一。
You know, people who are not as strong as you and me have a hard time dealing with that kind of stuff. 你知道，没有你我那么坚强的人，很难处理这种事。
Sure, that's normal. 没错，那时正常。
We're not normal. 我们不同寻常。
- No, we're not. -是的，我们算是异类。
I don't know what normal means. 我不知道，“正常”是什么意思。
- Yeah, that's nothing to be proud of either. -是啊，这也没什么好“骄傲”的。
We just are who we are. 我们就是“我们”。
- My normal is I grew up with a father who is ex-KGB. -我的“正常”就是，我的父亲是前克格勃。
My normal is not knowing the answers to all the questions 我的“正常”就是，现在不知道，
that I've been trying to find for my entire life up to now. 我一直在试图寻找的所有问题的答案。
That's my normal. 这就是我的“正常”。
I really wonder do other families of former spies have to go through the same thing. 我真的很想知道，其他前间谍的家庭，是否也要经历同样的事情。
I may not have all the answers, 我可能找不出所有的答案，
but this just means I need to ask more questions. 但这需要我提出更多的问题。
弗吉尼亚州，费尔法克斯
I wanna talk to other people who've gone through what I've gone through. 我想和那些，与我有过相同经历过的人谈谈。
Today, I'm gonna meet Robert Korczak. 今天，我要去会见罗伯特.柯扎克。
His father was a spy as well. 他父亲也是一名间谍。
鲍里斯·科尔扎克是中情局的双面间谍，在丹麦潜入了克格勃。
1979年，鲍里斯的身份暴露，他逃到美国， 在那里躲过了一场，据称是克格勃实施的暗杀。
I read an article about Boris and I found out 我读了一篇关于鲍里斯的文章，我发现
his son Robert lives in Virginia 他的儿子罗伯特住在弗吉尼亚州，
and he was willing to share his story with me. 他愿意和我分享他的故事。
I wanna know how his father being a spy has affected his life. 我想知道，他父亲当间谍，对他的生活有什么影响。
1978年时，柯扎克家的家庭录影带。
Did you have any strange feelings when you were young? 你年轻的时候，有什么奇怪的感觉吗?
- Starting when? - 从何时说起呢？ （罗伯特.柯扎克，前中情局双重特工的儿子）
When my dad was active with the KGB 是我爸爸在克格勃工作的时候， （罗伯特.柯扎克，前中情局双重特工的儿子）
or when my dad was exposed as a CIA plant? 还是我爸爸被暴露出，是中央情报局的卧底？
- When did you find out? - 你是什么时候知道的呢？
- Seven, eight,something like that. -差不多七、八岁吧。
- [Chelsea] Okay, so you found out young. -[切尔西] 好吧，这么说你那么小就知道了。
How did you react? 你当时什么反应？
- Well, I reacted by hiding in the foot-well of my dad's car -嗯，我的反应就是，我躲在我父亲汽车副驾座下，
as we sped through the streets of Copenhagen 那时，我们正在哥本哈根的街道上飞驰，
while in a car chase. 同时，有辆车在追我们。
- That's how you found out? -你就是这么知道的？
- That's when I found out something wasn't right. -那时，我发觉事情不对头。
- Jesus. -天呐。
- Yeah. -是的。
That was my introduction to hey, your dad's a spy. 那等于给我表明，嘿，你爸爸是个间谍。
- Did someone actually tell you? -有谁给你说明白吗？
- My dad, eventually. -最终，还是我爸爸说明了。
It definitely became clear after he was shot. 在他被什么射中后，就变得明显了。
We're in the fruit department. 我们当时是在水果店里。
He reaches back and he says, "Something bit me." 他回过头说:“有东西咬了我。”
And he has a little bit of blood on his hand or something. 他手上还沾有一点血什么的。
[tense music] [紧张音乐]
鲍里斯·柯扎克是被人注射了蓖麻毒剂。
一针剂提纯蓖麻毒素粉末，相当于几粒食盐的大小， 就能杀死一个成年人。
We go home and I'm lying on the floor watching cartoons 我们回家,我躺在地板上看卡通片,
and my dad starts losing the ability to walk. 我爸爸开始失去行走的能力。
He was fading in and out of consciousness. 他渐渐失去了意识。
So, it passed eventually like a kidney stone 他最终，因肾结石发作，晕倒在
which he captured in a coffee filter. 咖啡过滤机前。
It wasn't safe. 太不安全了。
I missed nine months of school after that. 在那之后，我有九个月没去上学。
My dad's friends were obviously doing as much as they could. 我爸爸的朋友们，显然已经尽力了。
As for me, at 8 1/2, nine years old, 至于我，才八岁半，九岁大，
I was the one carrying his nine millimeter Beretta. 我成了那个拿着他的九毫米贝雷塔手枪的人。
I had strict orders. 我得到了严格的命令。
If somebody knocks at the door, 如果有人敲门，
tell them exactly these words, I'm armed, 告诉他们这些话，我是有武器的，
I'm going to count to five and then I'm going to start shooting. 我数到五，然后就开枪。
[ominous music] [不详的音乐]
- And did you ever have to-- - No. -你有没有迫不得已的... -没有。
- Well, that's good. -那还挺好。
- That is fantastic, -非常奇怪的是，
'cause I still have some marbles left because of that. 我因那事，至随身带一些弹珠。
[heavy exhale] [沉重呼气声]
- I can't imagine. -我无法想象。
You ever feel paranoid? 你有没有疑虑过重的感觉？
- I have reoccurring nightmares. -我总是做噩梦。
I have-- - Me too. 我有... -我也有。
- My reoccurring nightmare for decades now -我几十年来反复出现的噩梦就是
is that I'm being chased and I have a gun. 我被人追着，我手里拿着枪。
The gun always turns into a toy. 枪总是变成玩具。
- I have the exact same one. -我也有相同的噩梦。
I'm always being chased. 我总是被人追。
I need to defend myself. 我需要为自我防卫。
But the gun won't work. 但那把枪是没用的。
- Exactly. -没错。
- That's really interesting that -真有意思，
we have the same kind of recurring nightmare. 我们经常做同样的噩梦。
Do you feel like, 'cause I feel like I have some traits 你是否觉得，因为我觉得我有一些特质
that would allow me to do what my dad did. 可以让我做我爸爸做过的事。
It scares me a little bit,it's like I could absolutely 这让我有点害怕，就好像我现在完全可以
right now leave everything behind 放下一切，
and move to another country and not feel bad about it. 搬到另一个国家，而不会为此感到难过。
- You've been keeping people at an arm's length. -你一直和别人保持距离。
- Yes. -是的。
- We are outsiders because there are no kids like us. -我们是局外人，因为没有像我们这样的孩子。
We're always gonna be outsiders. 我们永远都是局外人。
- This is why I wanted to meet other people -这就是为什么我想认识
that share the same thing, 和我有相同想法的人，
'cause I thought I was the only one. 因为我以前以为，我是唯一的。
- It is very difficult to have nobody to relate to -在这种事情上，找不到可以联系的人是非常
about this stuff. 焦灼的。
And that's the life of a spy's kid. 这就是间谍孩子的生活。
- I wasn't expecting that. -我没料想，还能找到。
- It's the truth. -这是真的。
More similarities than I thought there would be. 我们的相同感受，比我料想的还多。
- Me too. - Really? -我也是。 -真的？
- I'm pretty surprised. -我很惊讶。
I felt a lot less alone after talking to Robert. 和罗伯特谈过之后，我觉得不那么孤单了。
It was like looking in a mirror and he understood me 就像照镜子一样，他在不同的层面上
on a different level than anybody else. 比任何人都理解我。
Give me a hug. 给我一个拥抱。
- Hang in there. -坚持下去。
- Really confirmed that there's others out there like me -真的证实了，还有其他人和我一样，
and I don't have to feel alone in my conflict with my identity. 我不必在与我的身份冲突中，感到孤独。
I'm going to find other children of spies and hear their stories. 我要去找其他间谍的孩子，听听他们的故事。
纽约
Today, I'm meeting with my mom. 今天，我要去见我妈妈。
Since my conversation with my dad the other day, 自从那天我和我爸爸谈话后，
I really just wanted to talk to my mom. 我真的很想和我妈妈谈谈。
I've made it a point to go visit her 我特意去看望她，
and try to maintain a relationship with her. 努力和她保持关系。 （佩内洛普.巴斯基，切尔西的妈妈。前克格勃间谍的前妻）
But it's always been difficult. 但这总是很困难的。 （佩内洛普.巴斯基，切尔西的妈妈。前克格勃间谍的前妻）
How are you? - I'm good. 你好吗？ -我很好。 （佩内洛普.巴斯基，切尔西的妈妈。前克格勃间谍的前妻）
- Got to talk to dad the other day, got to go see him. -那天我和爸爸聊了聊，去见了他。
- [Penelope] Really? -[佩内洛普]真的？
- It had been awhile since I've seen him. -我有一段时间没见到他了。
- And what did you ask him? -你问他什么了?
- We just had a good conversation relating to his life as a spy. -我们只是聊了聊，他当间谍的生活。
- Did he tell you the truth about things? -他告诉你，事情的真相了吗?
- Yeah. -是的。
- [Penelope] All right. -[佩内洛普] 那就好。
- Why, you don't think he's telling the truth? -怎么了，你不认为他说的是真话?
- Not all the time. -不总是认为。
- My parents are divorced now. -我父母离婚了。
My mom has never really forgiven my dad for being a spy 我妈一直没能原谅我爸做间谍，
and flipping her life upside down. 这把她的生活搅得天翻地覆。
- Different times,different things happened that you didn't know. -不同的时间，不同的事情发生了，你都不知道。
- Like what? -比如什么？
- When I got pregnant with you, -当我怀上你的时候，
he wasn't really interested in having a family. 他对组建家庭并不感兴趣。
So, I said, "If you're not interested in having the baby, 所以，我说，“如果你不想要这个孩子，
"I'll take my baby home to my mom in Guyana." “我要把孩子带回家，交给我圭亚那的妈妈。”
- For how long? -有多长时间?
- After my two weeks vacation was up, -我的两周假期结束后，
I brought you back and he came to pick me up at the airport. 我把你带回来，他来机场接我。
And he says, "Why did you bring the baby back?" 他说:“你为什么把孩子带回来?”
- [Chelsea] Really? - Yes. -[切尔西] 真的？ -是的。
- Hmm. -嗯。
So, do you believe that or? 那么，你相信吗?
- I believe anything you tell me. -你告诉我的，我都相信。
- Okay, so that's what he told me and your father probably twist it. -好吧，他就是这么跟我说的，你爸可能骗了你。
- So you think everyone's against you. -所以，你觉得所有人都反对你。
My mother and I have always had a very strained relationship. 我和我的母亲的关系，一直都很紧张。
She really does not like the fact that I have a good relationship with my dad. 她真的不喜欢，我和我爸爸关系很好。
- Why didn't he ever say to me in any kind of moments -为什么他从来没有，在任何时候，对我说过
this is the situation, I really need to tell you something. 这种情况，我真的需要把一些事情告诉你。
I have a wife in Germany, I have two children there. 我的妻子在德国，我在那里有两个孩子。
He never said any of that. 他从来没说过那些话。
- I think my mom is just gonna hold onto that pain -我觉得，我妈妈会一直抓住那些痛苦
and suffering and she's never gonna let it go. 和折磨不放，她的心结，永远不会解开。
- This is why I don't wanna talk to you about this -这就是为什么，我不想和你谈这个，
because your father like to use his profession 因为你父亲喜欢利用他的职业
and his smarts and use it on people around him. 和他的聪明才智，来对付他周围的人。
- One thing I wish I could get across to my mom -我希望，我能让我妈妈明白的一件事是，
is that I'm not choosing sides. 我不会选边站。
And that I love her just the same as I love my dad. 我爱她，就像我爱我爸一样。
And I just want her to move on and be happy again. 我只希望她能向前看，重新快乐起来。
2004-2009年FBI监控录像
ssian intelligence officers 伊朗情报官员，
have been arrested allegedly for spying on the US. 涉嫌在美国，进行间谍活动而被捕。
- In 2010, the FBI busted a sleeper cell of Russian spies —2010年，美国联邦调查局捣毁了一个潜伏在美国的
who were living in the United States. 俄罗斯间谍组织。
They posed as ordinary Americans while secretly feeding information over to Moscow. 他们假扮成普通美国人，秘密向莫斯科提供情报。
Some of them, like Richard and Cynthia Murphy 他们中的一些人，比如理查德和辛西娅·墨菲
were married couples who had children born in the United States. 是孩子们都在美国出生的已婚夫妇。
Some reports said that the marriages were arranged 一些报道称，这些婚姻是由
by the Russian government and that they had kids 俄罗斯政府安排的，他们生养孩子
to help their cover as regular American families. 用来帮助他们，伪装成普通的美国家庭。
I can't imagine finding out that your own birth was part of a spy operation. 我无法想象，调查出自己的出生，是间谍行动的一部分。
突发新闻：间谍遣送回国，大批特警保护。
The US government deported the 10 spies to Russia 美国政府将这10名间谍驱逐回俄罗斯，
in exchange for Western spies being held in Moscow. 以换取被关押在莫斯科的西方间谍。
I watched all of this news unfold just a few years 就在我父亲告诉我，他是俄罗斯间谍的几年之后，
after my dad told me that he was a Russian spy. 我看到了所有这些新闻。
So my first thought was,what happened to the kids? 所以我的第一个想法是，孩子们怎么办？
- [News Anchor] The day was one of mourning for this teenage boy whose parents -[新闻主播]这一天是这名十几岁男孩最悲伤的一天，他的父母
were sent to Russia last night as he was left behind. 昨晚被送往俄罗斯，因为他被留在了这里。
- Juan Lazaro Jr had no idea his parents were spies -小胡安.拉扎洛不知道他的父母是间谍，
and when they were sent to Russia,he decided to stay in New York. 当他们被送往俄罗斯时，他决定留在纽约。
I tried reaching out to Juan but he won't return my calls or emails. 我试着联系胡安，但他不回我的电话和邮件。
The Murphys, two young children, returned to Russia 墨菲夫妇是两个年幼的孩子，他们和父母一起
with their parents where they were repatriated. 回到了俄罗斯，他们被遣返至那里。
Then there was Tim Foley who returned to Russia with his parents and brother. 然后是蒂姆·弗利,他和他的父母和兄弟回到了俄罗斯。
Foley was actually his mom's cover name. 弗利，其实是他妈妈的化名。
In 2010, he was given a Russian passport 2010年，他拿到了一本俄罗斯护照，
with the name Timothy Vavilov, 护照上的名字是蒂莫西·瓦维洛夫，
which was his mom's real last name. 这是他妈妈的真实姓氏。
And that really struck me because 10 years ago 这让我很震惊，因为10年前
I made the decision to change my name from Chelsea Barsky to Chelsea Dittrich. 我决定把我的名字从切尔西·巴斯基改成切尔西·迪特里希。
墓碑铭文：杰克.菲利普.巴斯基 （1944年十一月3日生，卒于1955年九月7日） 可爱的儿子
Dittrich was my dad's real last name. 迪特里希是我爸爸真正的姓氏。
Barsky was just a name that the KGB stole and gave to my dad. 巴斯基只是克格勃偷来，给我爸爸的姓氏。
Out of respect for the real Jack Barsky and his family, 出于对真正的杰克·巴斯基和他的家人的尊重,
I just didn't think it made sense to hold onto the name. 我只是认为，继续这个姓氏是没有道理的。
And you know, under normal circumstances 你知道，在正常情况下，
I would have been given the Dittrich name. 我的名字应该是迪特里希。
I was not in normal circumstances obviously. 显然，我当时的情况不正常。
So, I was given the false name. 所以，他们给了我一个假名。
My dad's real name is Albrecht Dittrich 我爸爸的真名是阿尔布莱希特.迪特里希，
and even though he does not use it legally, 即使他不合法地使用它,
it was really important for me to have that emotional tie to his real name. 对我来说,对他的真名有情感联系的，是非常重要的。
佐治亚州 亚特兰大
I'm going to see my dad today at his house in Atlanta. 我今天要去我爸爸亚特兰大的家里看他。
Really just wanna know what he really did as a spy. 我只想知道，他到底做了什么间谍。
Why do you have this stupid rock here? 你怎么会有这块破石头?
- Why is the rock stupid? Let me tell you what that is. -为什么是破石头? 让我告诉你，那是什么。
- [Chelsea] It's a rock. -[切尔西] 这是一块石头。
- Well no, no, this is a paperweight. -不，不，这是镇纸
That's sort of a memory from the past that I actually made myself. 这是我自己创造的一种过去的记忆。
That is a replica of a container that I actually used 这是我把情报资料，交给我的指导员时，
for handing over material to my handlers. 情报容器的复制品。
It's called a container for a dead drop operation. 这在情报传递中，被叫作“容器”。
- I've now sort of come to terms with, -我现在接受了现实，
okay, he was really a spy. 好吧，他真是个间谍。
But now I'm thinking,okay, how did he do it? 但现在我在想，好吧，他是怎么做到的?
- Now, I literally slid into a different identity, -现在我真的换了一个身份，
you've got to believe that you are that. 你要相信，你就是那个“身份”。
- So you have to believe your lie. -所以，你得相信你的谎言。
- Yeah, absolutely. -是的，绝对要的。
- [Chelsea] It's just weird when you look back on it. -[切尔西]现在回过头想想，是不是有点儿荒唐。
You blended in so well. 你协调的很好。
- It was just something I did on the side, -那只是我做的事情中的一个方面，
like, you know some people play golf 就像，有人喜欢玩高尔夫，
and I did secret messages and did surveillance detection. 而我那时，从事秘密情报和监视侦查。
- It's just the funny thing is that it's just so like casual to you. -有趣的是，这对你来说，得心应手。
It's very hard to get my dad to have 很难让我爸爸进行
an emotional conversation because my dad 一次情感上的谈话，因为我爸爸
is just always in an operative mode. 总是处于一种“密探模式”。
- Communication from the center that was Moscow -从莫斯科中心到我的通信，
to me was always through a shortwave radio. 总是通过短波无线电。
Oh, wait a minute. 哦，等一下。
Can you hear it? 你能听到吗？
- Oh wow. -哦。哇。
- Yeah, you can see that. -是的，你能听见它的。
And this is the fine tuning here. 这是微调。
It's gone. 它不见了。
Yes, this is still used today by the way. 是的,这仍然在今天使用。
I tell you what I would hear normally, 我告诉你，我平时会听到的，
it would go... 它本该发出...
[mimicking morse code] [模拟莫尔斯电码声]
And for like about a half hour. 大概半个小时之久。
- Morse code? -莫尔斯电码？
- [Jack] Morse code, exactly. -[杰克]莫尔斯电码，没错。
- So this is how you received messages from your bosses. -这就是你从老板那里，收到信息的方式。
- Right, it's the only way, only shortwave. -没错，这是唯一的办法，只有短波。
- How did you send them messages? -你是如何发送信息的?
- Sometimes I had long reports, so I wrote them and I photographed 'em. -有时候我有很长的报告，所以我就写下来，然后拍照。
And then I handed the undeveloped film in a container 然后我把未冲洗的胶卷，放在一个容器里
that was called a drop operation to a local agent. 交给了当地的特工，这被称为“传递行动”。
I gotta show you how to make one of those containers. 我要教你，怎么做那种“容器”。
You'll be surprised. 你会惊讶的。
- It's so cool to learn how my dad actually did his spy job. -了解我爸是怎么做间谍工作的，真是太酷了。
It's so different than it is in the movies. 这和电影里的完全不一样。
- So, what I have here is the secret piece of material -所以，我这里有一份秘密材料，
that I wanna hand in a drop operation to a Soviet agent. 我想把它交给一个苏联特工。
And I wrap it. 我把它包裹起来。
So now I need to put this into something where it looks totally innocent. 所以，现在我需要把它放到一个，看起来完全无害的地方。
- This is the stuff you used to make the drop? -这就是你用来传递的东西?
- Yeah, sure. -是的，没错。
- Did mom ever catch you doing this? -妈妈撞见你这么做了吗?
- No. -没有。
I did this in this one room that I told your mother, 我在一个房间里做了这件事，我告诉了你妈妈，
"That's my room, don't go in there." “那是我的房间，别进去。”
This does not require a great deal of skill. 这并不需要太多的技能。
- You need a little bit more. -你还需要多用一些。
- And then we make a dirty rock out of it. -然后，我们就把它弄成一块“破石头”的样子。
You know, the whole idea is to use something 你知道，整个想法就是用一些
that's so simple that nobody could even think 非常简单的东西，以至于没有人会认为
that it's something special, you know? 这是特别的东西，你知道吗?
- Okay, so when you go and you put this rock -好吧，那当你把这块“石头”放在
at your location, if you recognize that somebody 你要去的地方，如果你意识到有人
is following you, were you trained 在跟踪你，你接受过如何
on how to evade somebody on foot? 徒步躲避某些人的训练吗?
- If I'm trying to do an operation,I abort the operation. -如果我正要采取行动，我会终止行动的。
And I don't panic. 我不能惊慌。
Next thing is I go home and see whether there was sign 接下来我回家看看，有没有迹象表明，
that somebody was going through my stuff. 有人翻了我的东西。
And when there was clear evidence that I was being investigated, 当有明确的证据表明，我正在被调查时，
I had a pretty brilliant escape plan. 我有个绝妙的逃跑计划。
I would load my bicycle into the trunk of my hatchback 我会把我的自行车，装进我的掀背车的后备箱，
and drive to a road adjacent to a park. 然后开到公园附近的一条路上。
There was a bike path,maybe a quarter mile. 有一条自行车道，大概四分之一英里。
Go through that park. 穿过那个公园。
Come out on the other side. 通往公园另一边。
There was a subway station. 那里有个地铁站。
Dive into the subway and I'm gone. 钻进地铁，我就逃了。
Go to Canada via train. 通过列车逃往加拿大。
I also had escape documents. 我也有逃跑所需的文件。
They were false documents. 它们也是伪造的文件。
I had a Canadian passport and driver's license. 我有加拿大护照和驾照。
- Do you think you would have started over completely there and... -你觉得，你会在那里重新开始，并且...?
- No, I would have joined my family and I don't know. -不，我也不知道，会不会与我的家人会合。
- Oh, you would have used Canada to go back to Germany? -哦，你会从加拿大回到德国吗?
- Oh sure. -哦，当然了。
- So this is where I'm coming to terms -这样，我就逐渐明白了
with this whole thing,because that escape, 整件事情，因为，那样跑掉，
if you had to use it and you had to go to Canada, 如果你采取了，就必须逃往加拿大，
we wouldn't be here right now. 我们现在，也就不会在这里了。
- Possibly you wouldn't even be alive. -有可能，你们甚至都不会活着。
Or, [beep] 或者，[哔地一声]
or we wouldn't know each other, yeah sure. 或者，我们互不相识，没错。
- Wow, that's just crazy. -哇，这太疯狂了。
Yeah, I didn't expect that. 是的，我不想这样。
When my dad came to the US,it wasn't really his goal to have a family here. 当我爸爸来到美国的时候,他的目标，并不是他在这里建立家庭。
Eventually, he was gonna go back. 最终，他要回去的。
- I was torn, you know. -我很纠结，你知道。
I have a child here and I have a family there. 我在这里有个孩子，在那里有家人。
This was for my own personal self-interest. 这是为了我个人的利益。
I should have left you and I didn't. 我应该离开你，但我没有。
If I go back, I'm a hero. 如果我回去，我就是英雄。
The Russians promised me a house. 俄国人答应给我一所房子。
Everything would have been great. 一切都会好起来的。
If I stay, I have possibly the FBI after me, 如果我留下，可能会被联邦调查局盯上，
the KGB after me, 克格勃也会盯上我，
and ultimately you won. 最终，是你占了上风。
It was close, I have to admit it, 差一点，我得承认，
it was really close, but you won. 骑虎难下，但我考虑到了你们。
You and your mother. 你和你的母亲。
- My dad's not perfect, but when he gave it 100%.ay, -我爸并不完美，但当他百分百投入的时候，
He decided to really stay and be my dad. 他决定留下来做我的爸爸。
And I think I just got very,very lucky in that regard. 我觉得，在这方面，我非常、非常幸运。
弗吉尼亚州 费尔法克斯
- I met Robert Korczak, who is also the child of a spy, -我遇到了罗伯特·柯扎克，他也是一个间谍的孩子，
and I learned how deeply his family was also affected 我了解到，他的家人也受到了他父亲的过去
by his father's past, but I wanted to know more. 的影响,但我想知道更多。
So I'm meeting with Robert's mom, Barbara, 我要去见罗伯特的妈妈芭芭拉，
who like my mom, was the wife of a spy. 她和我妈妈一样，是一个间谍的妻子。
One thing I know about Barbara, is that she and Boris 我对芭芭拉了解的情况是，她和鲍里斯
are still married, and they still live under 还维持着婚姻，他们还住在
the same roof so they have kept their family together and 同一屋檐下，他们保持了家庭的完整，并且
I'm really interested in knowing how she's been able 我真的很想知道，她是如何能
to keep the family together despite the things 维持家庭完整的，不管这个家庭
that they've gone through as a family. 历经了这么多风雨。
Knowing what you knew about your husband 当你知道了你的丈夫是个
beg a double agent, did you ever confront him? 双面间谍后，你跟他对质过吗? （芭芭拉.柯扎克，前中情局双重间谍之妻）
- No, because his idea was that working as a double agent, -没有，因为他的想法是，如果他以他的方式，
he is working his way that we can go to the 成为双面间谍，就能使我们能去
United States and have a better life. 美国，并过上更好的生活。
1978年的柯扎克家庭录影带。
I always felt like we'd be better, more peaceful, 我总是觉得我们会变得更好,更和睦,
more quiet, if he just led a regular job like everybody else. 更安静,如果他像其他人一样，有规律的工作。
Why did this happen to me? 为什么这种事，会发生在我身上?
Why just me is exposed to such a strange environment 为什么只有我，身于如此陌生的环境
and strange situations. 和陌生的局面。
I didn't do anything wrong,but it just happened. 我没做错什么，但事情就这么发生了。
这就是我家的美人。
At the same time, I felt proud of my husband 与此同时,我为我的丈夫感到骄傲,
because he was extraordinary. 因为他与众不同。
He was not like everybody else. 他和其他人不一样。
But he was special, and I like this about him. 但他很特别，我喜欢他这点。
- But, were you ever angry with him? -但是，你生过他的气吗?
It seems like you were sad that, you know, 看起来你很伤心，你知道，
Why did this happen to me? 为什么这种事，会发生在我身上?
My mom had the same reaction. 我妈妈也有同样的反应。
- I, I'm not angry with him. -我，我没生他的气。
Because he wanted the best for the family. 因为，他想给这个家庭最好的生活。
Emotionally, I was not involved with his job 情感上，我没有参与他的工作，
so I was just a bystander. 我只是一个旁观者。
So my role as a wife was support him. 所以，我要作为妻子的角色，来支持他。
And I had to be strong to keep this family together. 我必须坚强起来，让这个家庭团结在一起。
And make them in a loving environment. 让他们在一个充满爱的环境中生活。
- The reason I'm getting really emotional right now -我现在这么激动的原因，
is because your attitude is totally different than my mom's. 是因为你的态度，和我妈妈的完全不同。
My mom is the complete opposite of you 我妈妈对待这件事的态度
in terms of how she took it. 和你完全相反。
She was like "Why is this happening to me?" 她说，“为什么会发生在我身上？”
"This was not my plan for my life." “这不是我的人生计划。”
She became angry and bitter and she never let that go. 她变得又生气又痛苦，而且从未释怀。
- It's just the pain which she has inside is keeping her away. -只是她内心的痛苦,让她置身事外。
Tell her what bothers you. 告诉她，什么让你烦恼。
What is hurting you inside and ask her the same question. 是什么伤害了你的内心，问她同样的问题。
What is hurting her and how you two can make up 是什么伤害了她，你们俩如何
to have mother-daughter relationship. 弥补母女关系。
And see how it's going to work this way. 看看这种方式，管不管用。
- I just really admired Barbara for her strength more -我真的很钦佩芭芭拉的坚强
than anything and especially her choice in wanting 胜过一切，尤其是她不惜一切代价
to keep the family together at all costs. 维系家庭的选择。
When I talked to her, it really opened my eyes to the pain 当我和她交谈时，我真的看到了我妈妈
that my mom was going through. 所经历的痛苦。
Because of what my dad did,this had affected my mom 因为我爸爸的所作所为，这件事以一种
in a way that I just couldn't understand. 我无法理解的方式，影响了我妈妈。
After meeting with Barbara,and taking in her words 在见过芭芭拉，听取了她的建议之后，
of advice, I'm gonna see if there is a possibility 我想看看有没有可能，
to get my mom to open up. 让我妈妈敞开心扉。
I just wanted to give you a quick call. 我只是想给你打个电话。
I had this really interesting meeting with another spouse 我和另一个前间谍的配偶，有过一次
of a former spy and... 非常有趣的会面...
- [Mom] So what does it have to do with me? -[妈妈]这和我有什么关系?
- I thought about our talk,and, and how you processed, -我想起了我们的谈话，还有你怎么处理
dad being a spy, and how you were pretty angry with him. 爸爸是间谍的事，还有你怎么对他很生气。
And you're even angry with,you know, me and Jesse, and-- 你甚至会生气，你知道，我和杰西，还有...
- [Mom] Everything you say, it's like, that's your -[妈妈]你说的每句话，都像是
point of view of what I'm angry about. 你对我生气的看法。
It's not your father being a spy. 这不是你父亲是一个间谍的问题。
He was a damn liar. 他是个该死的骗子。
- Boris Korczak's wife. -鲍里斯·柯扎克的妻子。
She was in your exact position. 她也有过，和你一样的处境。
She was in your shoes. 她和你一样。
She went through a lot of, if not almost all 她经历了很多,如果不是所有，
of the same things that you went through,based on what you told me. 几乎和你告诉我的事情都一样。
- [Mom] You don't have a clue, really, -[妈妈]你根本不知道，真的，
what I've been through. 我经历了什么。
He didn't want to get married to me. 他不想和我结婚。
He didn't want to have you. 他都不想要你。
And then he had this whole secret background. 他有他一整套的秘密背景。
- I just thought maybe you would want to talk to me -我只是觉得，也许你会想跟我
a little bit about this stuff, and-- 谈谈这些事，然后...
- [Mom] I don't want to talk to you about anything -[妈妈]我不想跟你说任何事，
because you have been supporting your father. 因为你一直在支持你父亲。
- He's my father. -他是我的父亲。
- [Mom] And you want me to tell my story? -[妈妈]你想让我讲我的故事?
Right now I don't give a [beep] about him 现在我一点也不关心他
and his spy [beep]. 还有他的间谍故事。
He's just a big liar. 他就是个大骗子。
He never told me he was married, he never told me 他从没告诉我他结过婚，也没告诉我
he had children, he just went through the whole life 他有孩子，他只是带着一个弥天大谎
with me there with this big lie hanging behind him. 和我一起度过了他的一辈子。
I don't care anymore about talking about him and his bull [beep]. 我不再关心谈论他和他的胡言乱语。
Okay? 明白了？
So I don't need to talk to you about anything because you don't understand. 所以我不需要跟你说任何事，因为你不明白。
That's just bringing up a lot of painful, 那只会勾起很多痛苦的
hurtful memories that I don't want to talk about. 伤心的回忆，我不想说了。
- Okay, Mom, all I really wanted to do was -好吧，妈妈，我只是想和你
share the conversation that I had with Barbara 分享我和芭芭拉的谈话，
with you, and if you're not-- 如果你不...
- [Mom] Yeah, but I don't care about these people,I got my own story. -[妈妈]是的，但我不在乎这些人，我有我自己的故事。
- Can I, can I finish? -能让我说完吗？
Can I please finish? 请让我把话说完？
If you are not ready to talk about it,we can just try another time. 如果你不准备谈这件事，我们可以改天再谈。
- [Mom] I don't even want to try anytime. -[妈妈] 我都没这个想法。
How about that? 那样能怎么样？
- Okay, Mom. -好吧，妈妈。
Have a good night. 晚安。
- [Mom] Bye bye. -[妈妈]再见。
- I think after that phone call,I'm not going to try anymore. -我想在那通电话之后，我不会再尝试了。
And she's just made it pretty clear to me that 她只是对我说得很清楚,
she's not ready to forgive. 她还没有准备好原谅。
She's not ready to open up. 她还没有准备好解开心锁。
She's not ready to move on. 她还没准备好向前看。
You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. 你不能帮助一个，不想被帮助的人。
And she's just not ready. 她还没准备好。
In a traditional family dynamic, you may not have this kind of drama. 在一个传统的家庭里，你可能不会有这种戏剧性的场面。
But, this drama was brought on because of the fact that my dad was a spy. 但是，这场闹剧的发生，是因为我父亲是一名间谍。
佐治亚州 亚特兰大
My dad sent me an email recently and not just to me. 我爸爸最近给我发了一封电子邮件，而且不仅仅是给我的。
He sent it to the whole family. 他发个了全体家人。
He actually opens up the email saying that 打开邮件，他是这么说的，
Today, I got my second of 15 radiation treatments 今天，我接受了第二次前列腺癌
for prostate cancer. 放射治疗。
I really did not want to mention it because it is all under control and you should not worry. 我真的不想提这件事，因为一切都在控制之中，你们不必担心。
He ended the email by saying Sorry for all the 他在邮件的最后说，对所有医疗方面的事情
medical stuff, but like an older model car, 感到抱歉，但就像一辆旧型号的汽车一样，
us veterans must spend a bit more time in the shop. 我们老兵必须在修车店里，花更多的时间。
Love you all, Dad 爱你们大家，爸爸。
I had no idea he had cancer and I couldn't believe 我不知道他得了癌症，我不敢相信
he would announce that in an email. 他会在电子邮件中宣布这个消息。
- [Jack] So, what's up? -[杰克]那么，怎么样了？
- I got your email. -我收到你的电邮。
- All right, so I'm sorry. -好吧，我很抱歉。
I should have probably told you earlier that 我应该早点告诉你
something was going on. 发生了什么事。
I was actually trying to keep it a secret. 其实，我是想保守这个秘密。
- I didn't respond so that you'll know -我没回复，是想让你知道
I was pissed that you didn't tell me. 你没告诉我，我很生气。
- You know, I didn't feel like telling you because to me it's almost like a non-issue. -你知道吗，我不想告诉你，因为对我来说，这没什么大不了的。
I understand, cancer-- 我明白，癌症...
- How do you think that's a non-issue? -你怎么能认为它就是没事呢？
It's cancer. 它是癌症。
- Yes, I'm taking things too lightly. -是的，我太轻率了。
I have always lived without fear. 我一直没有恐惧。
I'm not afraid of this either. 我也不害怕这个。
How can you operate undercover for 10 years 你如何能做10年的潜伏间谍，
and be afraid every day that you might go to jail 每天都担心自己会进监狱，
or that somebody might do something bad to you? 或者有人会对你做坏事?
This fearlessness is why I'm wired, fundamentally, 这种无所畏惧，是我天生的，
when you operate like an island, an emotional island. 当你活着像一座孤岛，一座情感孤岛。
That's part of my baggage. 那是我思想负担的一部分。
- It's just not a normal thing. -这种情绪，很不正常。
To have no feelings and no fear. 没有感觉，没有恐惧。
That's not normal. 这不叫正常。
You know, this has developed into a pattern, with you. 你要知道，这对你来说，已成了一种模式。
You told me, on our way to school, that you were a spy, 在我们去学校的路上，你告诉我，你是个间谍，
and just kind of dropped me off and said Okay, go on,about your day. 然后把我放下，说，好吧，继续，过好你的一天。
I wasn't able to focus because I spent 我无法集中注意力，因为我花了
so much time processing it. 太多时间，来对待这件事。
And it affected me. 这影响了我。
And, fast-forward to now,you tell me after the fact 然后，快进到现在，你告诉我
that you have prostate cancer again thinking that it 你又得了前列腺癌，你认为
was not going to affect me, and it did affect me 它不会影响我，但它确实影响了我，
and that's why I'm asking you to, in the future, 这就是为什么我要求你，在将来，
do better at telling me before it becomes a thing 在它成为我真正心烦意乱的事情之前，
that I will get really upset about. 更好地告诉我。
- All right, if you -好吧，如果你
want me to feel guilty, 想让我感到内疚，
you just achieved that. 你刚刚做到了。
- My dad still doesn't get it. -我爸还是不明白。
He can't seem to break this spy mode and just be my dad. 他似乎无法跳出“间谍模式”，专心做我父亲。
Everything is just a mission and a strategy with him. 对他来说，一切都是任务和策略。
I just want him to see that his actions have consequences for those who love him like me. 我只是想让他知道，他的行为会给像我一样爱他的人，带来后果。
- I'll let you know. -我会告诉你的。
I'll keep you more informed. 我会随时通知你。
I promise. 我发誓。
纽约州 纽约
- Today I'm going to meet with Boria Sax, -今天我要去见鲍里亚·萨克斯，
who's the son of Saville Sax, who was a spy. 他是间谍萨维尔·萨克斯的儿子。
Are you Boria? 你是鲍里亚？
- [Boria] I sure am. -[鲍里亚]我当然是。
- I'm Chelsea,its nice to meet you. -我是切尔西，很高兴见到你。
Actually, I give hugs. 其实，我想拥抱一下。
鲍里亚的父亲萨维尔·萨克斯是克格勃的“信使间谍”。
他帮助新墨西哥州洛斯阿拉莫斯国家实验室的 俄罗斯间谍，将原子机密传递给苏联。
How did you find out? 你是怎么知道的?
- I found out from a journalist. -我从一个记者那里知道的。 （鲍里亚.萨克斯，为克格勃工作的美国间谍的儿子）
I was well into middle age. 我已步入中年。 （鲍里亚.萨克斯，为克格勃工作的美国间谍的儿子）
It was very hard for me to talk about it to anybody. 我很难和任何人谈论这件事。
Eventually, the desire to know, 最终，想要搞清楚这件事的欲望，
overcame all of my hesitations. 战胜了我所有的犹豫。
Things from my childhood started to make sense. 童年的事情，开始有了意义。
When I was growing up, there were all sorts of tensions in my home. 在我成长的过程中，家里有各种各样的紧张气氛。
People were following my parents around. 人们一直跟踪我父母。
That's why this spy thing is so distressing. 所以当间谍这件事，才这么让人难受。
It tells you the world isn't what you think it is. 它告诉你，世界不是你想的那样。
- When I found out that my dad was a former KGB agent, -当我发现我父亲是前克格勃特工时，
I had a moment where I thought, 有一阵子，我想，
Is he who he presented himself to me to be? 他是那个展现给我的那个人吗？
- There's just so much role playing. -有这么多的角色在扮演。
So many disguises. 这么多的伪装。
That finally you have to dig very intensely 最后，你必须深入挖掘，
to find the real human being beyond all that. 在这一切之外找到真正的那个人。
- Were you ever able to uncover that about your father? -你曾经发现过，你父亲的这一点吗?
- When I finally found out about this, -当我最终发现这件事时，
he had been dead for some time. 他已经去世了一段时间了。
- What I saw in Boria Sax was a sadness in his eyes 我在鲍里亚.萨克斯身上看到的是，他眼中的悲伤，
that made me feel really terrible for him 这让我为他感到难过，
because he has never been able to have a conversation 因为他从来没有和他的父亲
with his dad about it. 谈论过这件事。
I'm able to get the answers I need out of my dad. 我能从我爸那里得到我想要的答案。
My dad is still here. 我爸爸还在这里。
I just found out my dad has cancer 我刚发现我爸爸得了癌症
and I need to talk to him while I still have the chance. 趁我还有机会，我得跟他谈谈。
He needs to know that his spy life has hurt me. 他须知道，他的间谍生涯伤害了我。
佐治亚州 亚特兰大
I'm trying to create an environment with my dad 我试着和我爸爸创造一个环境，
where we can actually talk to each other about 让我们可以真正地彼此谈论一些
some of the more difficult topics that we've 我们从未谈论过的，更难说出口
never been able to talk about. 的话题。
Particularly, that his actions as a spy has affected me. 特别是，他作为间谍的行为影响了我。
The things that you were doing as a spy. 你作为间谍所做的事。
You might think that this didn't have any 你可能会认为这对于我和杰西，成长在
affect on the family like me or Jesse. 这样的家庭，没有任何影响。
- You weren't directly impacted because it wasn't -你没有受到直接影响，因为这不像是，
like I was absent for long periods of time. 我长时间离家不管你们。
You remember I was there. 你记得我在那里。
I was always supportive, right? 我一直都在抚养你，对吧?
- The things that you did may not have impacted me directly, -你做的事也许没有直接影响到我，
but they certainly impacted me psychologically 但它们确实影响了我的心理
and emotionally and these are things 和情感，这些是我现在
that I'm only now realizing. 才意识到的事情。
- I can only say to everybody who I hurt, I'm sorry. -我只能对每一个被我伤害过的人说，对不起。
I can't, I can't. 我不能，我不能。
I didn't intend to. 我不是故意的。
You know that. 你知道的。
It's one thing to analyze and to figure out, you know,where that comes from. 分析和弄清楚这是一回事，你知道，这是从哪里来的。
It's another thing to live the life that 像一个好人那样，过自己
you think you want to live as a good person. 想过的生活，是另一回事。
And that's what I'm trying to do. 这就是我要做的。
- I'm very glad that I've been able to tell him -我很高兴，我能告诉他
I'm feeling a certain way and I'm glad he was willing to listen. 我的感受，我也很高兴，他愿意听我说。
I feel a lot more comfortable with myself knowing 我感觉舒服多了，随着我亲自懂得了
what I know now about my dad and what his intentions were. 我现在所了解的父亲，和他的意图。
So, Dad, this has been really helpful for me 所以,爸爸,这对我很有帮助,
to be able to tell you what I think and how I feel. 能告诉你，我的想法和我的感受。
And this is a conversation we've never had before. 这是我们以前，从未有过的对话。
So thank you for listening to me. 谢谢你，听我说。
- All right girl, baby. -好了，姑娘，小宝贝。
Even though, you're so big,you know, you're still my baby. 虽然你都这么大了，但你还是我的孩子。
All right. 好了。
- I love you. I love you. -我爱你。我爱你。
- I reached out to dozens of children of spies, -我联系了几十个间谍的孩子，
but the majority of them declined to tell their stories. 但他们中的大多数人，拒绝讲述他们的故事。
But, I've been able to meet some amazing people 但是，我遇到了一些很棒的人，
who I share a unique bond with. 他们和我有着独特的联系。
They've helped me realize I'm not alone. 他们让我意识到，我并不孤单。
No matter what country a spy is working for, 无论间谍为哪个国家工作，
the lies, the danger, and the lost sense of identity 谎言、危险和失去的身份感
are passed onto us, their children. 都会传给我们，他们的孩子。
Some of us are separated rom our families 我们中的一些人与家人失散
or forced into witness protection. 或被迫加入“证人保护计划”。
Others go into hiding to escape the scrutiny 另一些人则躲起来，以逃避
of their parents' actions. 对父母行为的甑查。
Espionage creates many victims. 间谍活动造成了许多受害者。
But the children of spies are among the innocent. 但间谍的儿女，是无辜的。
Are we able to help them? 我们能帮助他们吗?
Can they ever come out of the shadows? 他们能从阴影中走出来吗?
翻译：hardstick 校订：hardstick 时间轴：hardstick